Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Conversations from a public restroom

Me (in one of two stalls) (hovering over the WET toilet seat): "Lukey, can you hand me some toilet paper? I don't have any."
Sounds of rustling from other of two stalls. Very LONG pause.
Luke: "Here."
Hands me a wet piece of toilet paper about the size of my fingernail... ok, I'm exaggerating. It was probably the size of my big toenail.
Me: "Uh, Bud, that's not big enough. Can you get me a bigger one?"
Rustling noises commence. Long pause.
Luke: "I have to pee. BAD."
Me: "Ok. Ok. Go pee."
Pee sounds.
Flushing sounds.
(I am still hovering. Almost air dry by this point.)
Me: "Ok, Luke, can you get me a bigger piece?"
Rustling sounds.
Luke: "Auugh!"
Me: "Take your gloves off, Bud."
I see the gloves fall on the floor.
Many rustling noises. I start to worry that he is unwinding the whole industrial roll.
Luke: "Here you go."
Hands me a damp piece of toilet paper about the size of my hand.
I give in and use it, figuring I will just wash my hands REALLY good. And take a Clorox bath tonight.
We exit the stalls at the same time.
Luke: "That was YOU in there?!"

Seriously people, I couldn't make this stuff up.


  1. Well wonder he hesitated . You've drummed the dont talk to strangers chat into him a gazillion times havent you?

    In future all toilet stall conversations should be prefaced with the words "Lukey - this is Mom".

    Or you could just keep tissues in your bag. With all the candy . And whatever else you keep in those monumental handbags you carry round.

  2. OMG! Best laugh I have had in a week!

  3. Seriously....Brennan said, "Did she make that up?" Right before I read the last line..."I couldn't make this stuff up". So funny! ---Jessi

  4. Stop, I'm about to wet my pant.....that was so funny!!!!

  5. Oh my goodness, this is the funniest story ever!!! I mean, I was laughing pretty good at the story, then when you said he didn't know it was you in there - well that did it! Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!!!


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