Me (in one of two stalls) (hovering over the WET toilet seat): "Lukey, can you hand me some toilet paper? I don't have any."
Sounds of rustling from other of two stalls. Very LONG pause.
Hands me a wet piece of toilet paper about the size of my fingernail... ok, I'm exaggerating. It was probably the size of my big toenail.
Me: "Uh, Bud, that's not big enough. Can you get me a bigger one?"
Rustling noises commence. Long pause.
Luke: "I have to pee. BAD."
Me: "Ok. Ok. Go pee."
(I am still hovering. Almost air dry by this point.)
Me: "Ok, Luke, can you get me a bigger piece?"
Me: "Take your gloves off, Bud."
I see the gloves fall on the floor.
Many rustling noises. I start to worry that he is unwinding the whole industrial roll.
Luke: "Here you go."
Hands me a damp piece of toilet paper about the size of my hand.
I give in and use it, figuring I will just wash my hands REALLY good. And take a Clorox bath tonight.
We exit the stalls at the same time.
Luke: "That was YOU in there?!"
Seriously people, I couldn't make this stuff up.